As a committed Pet Owner, you probably consult a range of experts about your furry friend. When they’re under the weather, you whisk them off to a vet. If you want to put them onto a healthy dog meal plan, you consult a nutritionist. What do you do, though, when you want to decode your pupper’s very soul? When you want to stare into their future, spot tomorrow’s hurdles, and embrace its opportunities? For that kind of insight, you have but one source: their horoscope. That’s why, starting now, Mad Paws will be sharing our fully-certified*, hyper-clairvoyant** Dog Horoscopes. To begin, we’ll dive right into the Dog Horoscope May 2021. May it be a Rosetta Stone to your pooch’s many mysteries!
The Dog Horoscope May 2021 belongs to…the Taurus!
This one goes out to all you Bull-Dogs. Wait…
With the Taurus spanning from 19 April to 20 May, this month truly belongs to Bull-Dogs everywhere. No, we’re not only talking about jowly canines who resemble British Prime Ministers. We mean those furry friends who were born under the watchful gaze of Venus. This month, the Zodiac calendar belongs to you – meaning YOU get to set the terms. Do you prefer to stay inside and snuggle with your humans? Tell your Owners to work from home! Would you rather a big handful of treats than a bigger helping of change? You have the right to DEMAND an upkeep of the status quo and an increase of chicken jerky. For this month, you reign supreme.
Of course, you other star signs don’t need to miss out in May just because the Taurus is calling the shots. Here’s what the your dog horoscope has in store for you!
Gemini (20 May – 21 June)
Yes, the Taurus’ homebody habits may dampen your social plans. However, don’t despair – after all, you’re a Gemini! You wield humour like a stick you found in a park, and you chase good conversation as if it were a tennis ball. While this month’s conditions favour fewer outings, you can focus on quality rather than quantity. Instead of meeting a bah-zillion people in the dog park, you can focus that famed Gemini charisma on your humans. After a month-long charm offensive, your Owners will be eating out of YOUR palm for a change.
Cancer (21 June – 22 July)
Okay, Cancers, we need to level with you. You know how we just wrote all that encouraging stuff about Geminis? Well, it was marketing spin. Geminis are outdoors creatures, so they’re going to struggle during the Month of the Taurus. Now, we know this isn’t fair to ask of you, but Cancers DO have a reputation for bearing other dogs’ burdens. For these next few weeks, we need you to be kind to the Geminis in your life. Share your treats, give them nose boops, and laugh at all of their jokes…even if they’re bad.
Leo (22 July – 22 August)
Tauruses love their indoor habits. Leos love their comforts. Solution? If you share your home with a Taurus dog, join forces to petition your Owners for some luxury beds. You’ll cash in on the Taurus’ Zodiac alignment, and they’ll reap the benefits of your larger-than-life personality. Everybody wins! Well, your Owner doesn’t win. Your Owner ends up spending $300 on luxury dog beds.
Virgo (22 August – 22 September)
As a Virgo, you’re an Ideas Dog. And if there’s one thing an Ideas Dog can use to their advantage, it’s time and space to conjure up the Next Big Thing. Fortunately for you, that’s precisely what the status quo-friendly Month of the Taurus can offer you. Who knows what brilliant gem you’ll unearth over the next few weeks? A self-fetching tennis ball? A noiseless vacuum cleaner? A TV that turns off when you bark at it? Only June will tell!
Libra (22 September – 23 October)
We know, we know – you’re sick of hearing that you’re indecisive. On the upside, this next month will be a breath of fresh air for you. Every time you hit a fork in the road, simply ask: “What would a Taurus dog do?” In most cases, the answer will be: “The exact same thing they did yesterday.” Stick to this formula, and May will become easier with each passing day!
Scorpio (23 October – 22 November)
Scorpios have a hard-won rep for looking effortlessly cool. For this reason, the Taurus’ work-from-home focus may deprive you of your chance to dazzle a large crowd. Having said that, there’s more than one way to chase a cat. If you’ve been meaning to launch your social media presence, now is the perfect time to do it. Create a Tiktok account, have your Owner film a few adorable videos of you, and BAM! You’ll be viral by the end of the month.
Sagittarius (22 November – 21 December)
Of all the star signs, the Month of the Taurus poses the biggest challenge for you. Why, you ask? Because the Sagittarius is famous for their lack of indoor voice. As your Taurus dog buddies will want to spend more indoor time with you this May, you’re going to need to work on your volume control. We get that this is a big ask, but we believe in you! Besides, the dog who can hold the room with a whisper can hold the room with a bark.
Capricorn (21 December – 20 January)
The Taurus’ aversion to change may rattle some dogs, but not you. You’ve seen the world through the eyes of an adult dog since you were six months old, so you have the maturity to weather this calm. Even so, it’s important to let your hair out every now and then. In these Taurus-imposed moments of introspection, seize the chance to connect with your Inner Puppy. Who knows? You might even find you have a penchant for chewing socks that you missed during your early months.
Aquarius (19 January – 18 February)
Okay, we know you value your personal freedom. We know you may grate at the idea of marching to the bark of a Taurus. But, more than anything, we know that you embody the idea that “the whole dog park is more important than one dog”. Let the Taurus steer for now, and in a few short months, you’ll be in the Top Dog’s seat. Until then, take comfort in the knowledge that you’re serving the Greater Doggy Good.
Pisces (18 February – 20 March)
The Casanovas of the dog world, Pisces can use this month to question their own concept of romance. Love isn’t all about new and exciting moments, you know. It isn’t always stolen licks at dog parks, or that jolt of electricity when your noses bump over a puddle. Sometimes, it’s those quiet, dignified moments you find in the routine. The warmth you discover in your Owner’s eyes when they return home from their Human Job. The extra pillow they leave for you in your den. They may not be as Hallmark-worthy as those spontaneous moments of passion – but they’re just as deep.
Aries (20 March – 19 April)
Ahhhhh, Aries: the Dogs with No Filter. Where other pooches may see a horse on TV and keep their thoughts to themselves, you’ll bark with wanton abandon. If you have qualms with your current routine, this trait may pose a problem for the upcoming month. After all, under the horns of the Taurus, May is the month of the status quo. If you have a bone to pick with your current schedule, think of this month as an opportunity for self-improvement. Every time you feel the urge to bark at something you dislike, stop and count to 10. Chances are, you’ll forget what you were upset about in the first place!
*Definitions of “fully-certified” may vary
**Definitions of “hyper-clairvoyant” may also vary
